Now we have begun the grief process on what we’ve lost and what triggers our grief, we also need to balance this work by naming our strengths.
It isn’t easy to acknowledge our own strengths when we were raised in a family that didn’t teach us to do this. Healthy parenting would have included the adults naming our strengths for us. As adults we are left with a deficiency of credits and we have come to realize that this cannot be resolved by outside sources.
In the past we have solicited compliments from people when we were feeling full of low esteem or self pity and we recognized that when we received them we felt no better. Or, if people freely gave us compliments we dismissed them with thoughts of ‘they’re just saying that’.
In order to survive our childhood we shut out adults to protect ourselves. This led us to ignoring affirmations from others but in order to have fulfilling adult relationships we need to name and own our strengths.
We have come to realize that by giving ourselves affirmations we drop the need to please others in order to receive affirmations from outside sources. We are learning to become our own guide as we challenge the part of us that automatically pushes away compliments from others – and ourselves.
Naming our strengths is a different practice to constantly looking for praise from others. By naming our own strengths we are become accountable for our unique talents. This helps us to stop compromising our life, career and relationships from constantly needing this from other people.
Read the following sentence out loud and put in a strength from the list below. Repeat this 10 times using a different strength each time: